Ask Amy: These workplace mates can't be pals – The Denver Publish
Dear Amy: I've known "Camilla" for 20 years. She is the closest friend I have, but I know she doesn't feel the same about me. Instead, she tends to lean on me when her closest friend "Elizabeth" hurts her in any way. The three of us all work together.
For the past three months, Camilla has relied heavily on me and confided in me that she has tried to break free of her friendship with Elizabeth without too much drama.
However, two weeks ago Camilla was literally yelling at me – in front of Elizabeth – for no other reason than Camilla had just got a bad haircut and I happened to walk into the room when she told Elizabeth about it.
I was so ashamed that I just pulled out of the room.
It was Camilla's birthday too. Just three hours earlier, she opened a birthday present from me and told me how much she loved it and me. Now she no longer takes my calls and will no longer answer my texts.
That hurts me very much. It might be time for me to redefine my relationship with her. I love her very much and I understand that she doesn't consider me her closest friend, but this recent ranting and the cold shoulder that followed is not acceptable to me.
Am I overreacting? What do I say to her the next time Elizabeth hurts her and she wants a shoulder to cry?
– It hurts
Dear pain: Life in your office seems like a real den of drama. This is not intended to lessen how hurt you feel, but rather to advise you to proceed carefully.
So yeah – "redefine" and do it quickly while you still seem to have a bit of affection for "Camilla" (why you do this is a mystery).
If she comes up to you and complains about "Elizabeth," listen, don't react, say something innocuous like, "Well, that's a shame" and then tell her you have to go. If she sneaks up to you and wants to be closer, you should continue to be neutral and noncommittal.
Not only do you take the air out of this "bad girl" 's balloon, you also make sure that you propel her a little less bananas.
Dear Amy: After looking for protection for over six months, several friends and I started planning a weekend together.
While we were planning our time together, a friend asked if she could invite her roommate.
I wasn't that excited about taking on someone I didn't know that well, but I said to myself, "If I feel like I have to go, she probably will!" So we expanded the invitation.
Then the friend asked if we could stay in an animal-friendly place so that her dog could come. I wouldn't prefer it.
The rest of us make arrangements for the children we leave behind, and I would prefer this friend to also make arrangements to leave her dog behind.
Am I being unreasonably selfish?
Should I state my preference or make peace with my disappointment?
– I try to please everyone
Better try to please: You should ask yourself why you think you are of so little importance that you cannot even answer a simple, respectfully asked question. Remember: anyone can ask for something, but that doesn't oblige you to agree to their "question".
The question is, "Hey, could we stay in a pet-friendly place because I want to bring my dog …"
Your answer is, “I agree no. We all leave our children and pets behind. "
If your other friends help plan and pay for this short vacation and want to spend all of their time with your friend's dog, you will be outvoted. Then it would be time for you to find a way to make peace with your disappointment.
Dear Amy: I signed my letter to you: "Sad and confused." I wondered if I should travel to see my dying 87 year old father.
I wanted to give you an update. We visited my father. We could see him for about half an hour. During this time he was fully aware and clear. It was wonderful. We talked about the family and even made him laugh. There were no sad farewells.
I just want to say that I wouldn't trade that half an hour for anything. It was well worth the 14 hour drive and all the complications.
– No more sad and confused
Better not be sad anymore: You did the right thing.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)